I DO Have Style...

I love reading on-line about parenting- there is so much out there, but a term I see repeated over and over is 'parenting style'- I just took a quiz and the results had it narrowed down to these three styles-

1)You fit the classic laissez-faire parent profile; you think it's important that your kids develop and grow in the way that they choose, and you don't want to set any kind of expectations for them. You may hope that your children learn from your example, but you're not interested in spelling out behavioral guidelines or forcing them to follow rules. And when it comes to family decisions on everything from vacations to deciding on a name for a new baby brother, it's essential that your kids' views are taken into account

2)When it comes to setting rules and expectations with your kids, you're sort of a benevolent dictator – in the nicest way. When you know what's best for them, there's no need to discuss your decisions. But when it's appropriate, you're happy to take a more democratic approach and let your kids have their say. This kind of combination of firmness and fairness means that you can have open discussions with your children while still being able to assert your authority when it matters.

3)Strict No doubt about it: You're strict! In your opinion, kids need to be told what to do and how to do it. The approach you take to discipline is firm and direct. That's what's best for your kids, since being firm helps them understand who the boss is, and helps them respect and obey the important rules you establish. When your kids step out of line, you make sure there's an appropriate punishment - not that you enjoy punishing them, and you try never to be too harsh (or too lenient, for that matter). Parents who answered like you indicate that sometimes, spanking is an appropriate form of discipline.

My guess is if your 'style' falls under #1 above, you probably aren't on-line looking up parenting sites/blogs- it was a silly quiz though- here's one of the questions-

'- Kids can make up their own minds and do what they want to do-'
Strongly agree--------------Strongly Disagree

Does anyone actually even kind of agree with that...I mean anyone who has kids?  It made me laugh because there is an option to 'Take the Quiz for Your Partner'- I am certain there is a good chance my partner and I would answer a bit differently!

My kids are growing up and really all I know is this- I am with them the most, I know them the best of anyone as much as they may not want to admit it at this stage.  I know when they are just being moody or if something is really wrong.  I know when they ask me if they can go somewhere or do something, they really actually want me to say no sometimes just so they don't have to...I know I love them in a way I can't describe- if I had the kids describe my 'style', I would hope that the word 'loving' would get thrown in at least once (or at least as much or more than 'crazy') Hopefully the rest is something that could only be used to illustrate us - not just something that could be thrown into one of three categories....I hope we will keep re-defining our style as we go!  Nobody really has it all figured out-
P.S.- my quiz result was # 3- I am sure the kids will be shocked....

Teenagers- Not Very Cute Somtimes

Ok, ok....I know I need to post something......the 're-entry' back into the school year has been really tough for me...you would think it would be a little easier since we are down to 3 kids in the house, but this has been a rough one for me..one of my little cherubs told me it's because I am 'getting older'- hmmmm, unfortunately, I think that is spot on!

It's so much easier to post things when you have little kids.  They are so cute, they say the darndest things, etc., etc.  Enter the teen years.....(play the theme from Jaws here)

So, let me preface by saying that we are so blessed to have these great kids- we have not had nearly the struggles some of my peers have had with their teens- no drugs, no teen pregnancy, no ADHD or any other acronyms I can think of ...aside from PMS- everyone is AOK.  However, here are some facts about the teen brain-

1. Pictures of the brain in action show that adolescents’ brains function differently than adults when decision-making and problem solving. Their actions are guided more by the amygdala and less by the frontal cortex. Research has also demonstrated that exposure to drugs and alcohol before birth, head trauma, or other types of brain injury can interfere with normal brain development during adolescence.
2. Based on the stage of their brain development, adolescents are more likely to:
   
   • act on impulse
   • misread or misinterpret social cues and emotions
   • get into accidents of all kinds
   • get involved in fights
   • engage in dangerous or risky behavior
   Adolescents are less likely to:
   
   • think before they act
   • pause to consider the potential consequences of their actions
   • modify their dangerous or inappropriate behaviors

No kidding....as a parent this is a bit of a relief....I seem to remember my mom telling me that there would be a period of time where the kids would all lose their minds for awhile- I think we are there.
Before my kids get too excited and start using their changing and developing brain as an excuse for, well, everything here is the rest of the study...

• These brain differences don’t mean that young people can’t make good decisions or tell the difference between right and wrong. It also doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions. But an awareness of these differences can help parents,understand, anticipate, and manage the behavior of adolescents.

Sorry guys, still going to be...what's the phrase I hear so much?  'On you' about 'everything'-

First Day of (High) School

The first day of school has always been tough for me- another year gone by...they just keep going faster.  This year is by far the toughest.  Our two oldest- in college for cryin' out loud- the other 3- all in high school.  They didn't appreciate me asking- 'do you have everything you need?'- well of course they do, they are omniscient teenagers... and anyway, if they didn't have something, it would probably be someone else's fault...'what are you going to wear tomorrow?' to which Brendan just stared at me and said, 'why, what are you going to wear tomorrow?' hmmm.....I guess it's time for me to grasp that the new shoes, pencils, the smell of a new eraser- (these were all highlights for moi) are not so novel anymore-we have moved on to the days of who likes who, football, soccer, 'she said that you said and I did not say that'.  I miss the days when they were thrilled with a new pencil box and crucial decsions included what lunch box went best with which backpack...
So to my highschoolers- 'In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on' - I love you all more than coffee...

Everyone Needs a BFF

This is dedicated to my BFF, Erica.  It was her bday on Friday and it marks our 21st year of being friends.  We met our first year at Highline and since that first movie we went to (Tango and Cash.....which was awesome) she has stayed with me through it all.  Here is to one of the few people in my life that has been a constant.  She is a great listener and can tell me when I am acting like  a jerk (and I will actually listen to her, which is something) I have attached a pic of when she was just a bit younger that her 39 years, but she's hardly changed at all- love you E!!

We Really Are Lucky

Why a blog?  I have several friends with really good blogs...good writing, funny stories, cute kid pics and  a great way to sort of stay in touch if you can't see each other every day.  For those that know me I am-




1) Not a phone person- I really do hate talking on the phone

2) Not really a Facebook person- it's...too...well...Facebooky, but popular enough that I just made up an adjective to describe it.  It always really scares me when someone that was really mean to me tries to 'friend' me now...why didn't you try that 25 years ago???!?!?  I am a skeptic for sure.

3) Not really home enough to stay on track with anything even though I try- (see #2...just because I have not responded to what you have 'written on my wall' does not mean I am mad at you...)



So just briefly- married to Del 7 years ago-(well almost 7) - we have 5 kids between the 2 of us- 4 girls and 1 lone boy who will either be a great husband or a priest.  Today they are 19,18,16,15 and 14- I really always did want 5 kids- you could say this was the 'easy' way to do it, as far as the whole birth process goes, but I obviously wouldn't recommend it.  They have really all done amazingly well- I have read many books about the horrors of trying to blend families and comparatively, our journey has been quite boring although I am sure Del would disagree with me.



We are entering a new phase of this journey - next Thursday Meg(18) will be  moving into the dorms to start her first year of college.  Jamie(19) is already back at school in Wisconsin starting her 2nd year of college.  It's strange to think of all the adjustments we will make- the remaining kids are re-arranging rooms, 2 less to cook for, 2 less showers-no matter how you look at it it's still 2 less and it's hard not to feel the 'loss'.  It's been so fun to watch these kids grow and listen to them talk about their dreams...maybe it's easier for me since I am a bit more removed as the step-mom- (I actually prefer 'para-mother')- to be able to sit back and enjoy this part of their lives and not feel as 'old' as Del says it makes him feel- it's too bad that there has to be such a conflict- parents feel like this is the end of something while for the child, it's just the beginning. We will just have to pray and turn our worry over.

We are lucky and here are 5 of the biggest reasons why-