Dedicated to the One I Love

You may read through here and wonder- how does she do it all.....and by herself? As I read through prior entries, I realize that there is only a brief mention....glossing over if you will, of the fact that I actually do have a husband!

This stage of my life is still so entrenched with nothing but kids- really since I have had my kids, they have been everything. Those of you who have kids must know that your relationship takes a back burner in a lot of ways- not how it should be at all. But it seems to be part of parenting and not uncommon. For me, this parenting journey took a dramatic turn when my kids were 9 months and almost 3- their dad and I split up. Not what I wanted and certainly not what I had planned, but it happened none-the-less and with the support of my family, I tried to pick up and make the best of it....and I did. I got a job and threw myself into that and those 2 little kids with an intensity that you could only describe as obsession. I was so sad for us, but I wanted to show them that we would make the best of it -and we did. Thank God for those 2 little kids- they provided a much needed distraction for me at the most painful time of my life to date. I did not have time feel sorry for myself or spend a lot of time hanging on to the past- they were constantly growing, constantly looking ahead and that forced me to do the same.  Don't get me wrong- there were very dark days and I did my share of stumbling around to find my footing again. As hard as it can be even today to have to deal with the divorce - the every other weekend and not having the kids with both parents all the time- I am so lucky to have them. Looking back, I don't know if I would have been able to make it without them. Life did go on...

Before I could blink 6 years had gone by. I had sort of dated one guy in that time, although I don't think he considered it dating and would sort of freak out a little if I referred to our 'hanging out' as dating. I was still loving my job, living a very predictable and structured life and I loved it. I did get lonely at times, but I would talk myself through it by saying things like- 'Hey, I am blessed- I have my faith, 2 great kids and a great family- it's enough' ...then Del came along.

Believe it or not, his initial inquiries were in regards to soccer and if Dallas wanted to play on his team.....then he asked me to dinner. (this horrified Dallas and she asked if 'he was taking all the moms out to dinner'...lol) I remember on our second date, he kissed me good night and said he thought this could go somewhere and when could he see me again- I freaked out about it for about 2 months and then gave up- 7 months later we married.

Marriage the second time around is good because you don't have a lot of the illusions you had the first time....in my case, I may have taken that to the extreme. We were trying to blend a family as well, so that was an immediate distraction. When we married our kids were 12, 10, 9, 8.and 7- today they are 20, 18, 16, 15 and 14- so hard to believe.

So much has happened and really so little of it has centered around Del and I. For me, it has centered around my continued obsession with the 'kids being ok'- and guess what? They really are OK. So I can listen to Del when he says everything is fine instead of being frustrated that he is 'not in touch with the kids and how they feel' - I can appreciate him for how hard he works and not worry so much that he leaves his diet coke cans everywhere (and I mean everywhere, it drives me nutty). I can focus on him a little bit not be so freaked out that the bathroom is not wiped down every other day. (my obsession is not for the kids alone) I can quit thinking he doesn't consider me just because the first thing he wants to do with any free time is either watch or play golf and not vacuum- (I love vacuuming too, yes you can see that I am lot for him to deal with) And just when I think he is not listening or paying attention, he does the most amazing things- like surprising me with a beautiful front loader washer and dryer (I will say that I he is hoping the reciprocal gift will be an Ipad...the 2nd generation one) or throwing me an AMAZING surprise party for my birthday that I had no idea about, and I mean none....I am still surprised when I think back on it.

So Del- I vow to work harder on making you my obsession... not in a crazy way, more of a love crazy way- I know I am a pain in the butt, but I love you.  All that you do for me and for our family does not go unnoticed....and no, you cannot get a snowmobile.
Here is my guy in 1982 ...if only I had known him then...wait...I was only 11!!

The Lame Blogger

I know, I know...I am lame at blogging-

There is a laundry list of excuses- I think I am just now coming out of hibernation after the terrible winter we had..really are still having. Maybe it's because I turned 40 since the last blog entry and it just seems  like I should be more tired and look older....honestly, I used to think that I would need a wheelchair at 40, so I am pleasantly surprised that I still feel like a have a few good years left in me.

It could be the supreme effort it takes to parent teenagers..think of it as extreme parenting...sort of like toddlers for those of you with younger kids. There are similar issues- instead of potty training, we battle for control of curfews and the incessant need to have some sort of social activity at all times; we have to share a car instead of toys; and instead of teaching them to talk nicely to others, a lot of the time is spent insisting they speak nicely to me. (and yes, I do get to be the judge of 'nicely'- I have earned it)

But I know in my heart, this too will pass. It's easy to get distracted by the daily, oftentimes contrived drama that comes along with having a house-full of teens. I have great kids, don't get me wrong. They are awesome- but...they are still human. They are moody, inconsiderate and at times, just plain rude. While I know this is a normal part of this stage of life, it's obviously not my favorite part.... but I try to remember back when I was that age. I was busy just goofing off, doing pretty much what I wanted. I was never a kid that thought my parent's were idiots or anything, but I certainly thought I was smarter than them- nothing about their intellect led me there- it was just my own perception that I was pretty dang exceptional. I remember also having just a general lack of regard for anything or anyone around me...it really was all about me.

Remembering that helps me on some of the tougher days. My kids are really not out to get me, they are just really not ever thinking about anyone but themselves. Does this mean I back off and be happy when people make comments like- 'they are good kids...no drugs, jail, pregnancy...' - no way. I will always be in their ear and pushing them to have better awareness of their behavior and when it's unacceptable. I will always encourage them to think of others first. I know they want to have sense of what is their own- their room, their stuff, etc.- does that mean that they continue to get 'their stuff' for nothing? No again- I will be here to remind them the ability to buy an energy drink and a clearance item at Aeropostale does not mean they can magically support themselves- it's still my house, parents are paying the bills and still providing the 'stuff'. Will I let them wear me down with the constant debate of every request made of them?...ahhh, not I - this is where I a excel- (my mom might say it's a carry-over from my own teen years) I can debate you back all day and all night. Not only that, I have the power to end the conversation with a simple 'one more word and I'll...' or some similar threat- that is one part I kind of enjoy.

I have this quote written down and I read it daily-

"Adolescence" is when teens are trying to make "sense" of being an "adult."

When I read this, I know it will be ok- I am still trying to make sense of being an adult myself....I have just accepted that it may never happen!